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I am feeling an excruciating pain. I want to record all these moments. I want to see tomorrow, how much of it I have suffered. I want to see how I got out of it.
          All I did is loved.! and this is my crime. And I loved with all my heart, I loved with everything which I had, I just forgot about myself and loved. And I failed.
          More than getting it back, I wanted .. aah... I am finding it very,very difficult to write, my eyes are all blurry with tears... I wanted to give all the happiness to the person I loved, wanted to take away all her pain, her worries and tears. But I failed in every sense. I am totally helpless.  I am fed up of pain, of my head blasting out... I am so weak in front of myself. I feel I have been stripped naked. I am feeling so ashamed of myself... I am unable to eat anything... I love my parents... I love her so much.. I cant bear so much pain.. i do not even have the option to die because even my life is not mine..
        I want to live today, but I am not allowed to. I am feeling strangled. I am feeling empty.. I have tried to reason out , to look at things logically..........
                    Why does it happen that everytime I  get the slightest happiness and share it. Its lost. Everytime something makes me happy.. and I jubiliate ....its taken away from me... I have lost everytime.. anything in which I have found extreme happiness.
           I have done everything for her.. I have tried to understand her feelings, her beliefs... Fought against myself to accept everything for her... cause I love her.. and she is my happiness....If i cant love her that I dont want anything else. Dont tell me I am stupid.. I know more than you. i have experienced more than you.. dont tell me about the future, because my present is killing me so badly. 
          I dont have the power to fight against the world. I have dont have the courage to go on.. I dont have the strength to listen to her shouting at me, no matter how much pain she is in.. I am feeling the pressure of studying.. but I am incapable of even thinking.. I want to leave everything, everythingggg... and just  run away..
          I had so many dreams.. I didnt get anytime.. not even proper two months... I want so much love..and I never got it...and as sson as i got it.. i tried to hold it.. and it was snatched away.. I never meant more to her than religion and she meant everything to me. She says that loving me is wrong... I cant ask her to do wrong for me..  cant ask her for my life source... my life is shit... my love is shit.. I hate myself..
         I am tired.. very tired.. wish to cut myself into pieces. I wish someone could murder me.
         I want to love her, I want to kiss her, I want to hold her.. every sec I have dreamt about it.. last month every second I have lived with this feeling.. I cant sleep ... even close my eyes without thinking about her.. and its hurting.. my eyes.. my head..